Why I Was Not At The Senior Banquet

I recently wrote a note on Facebook detailing what happened the one night, on the Foothill Band Cruise, when I didn't show up to the Senior Banquet. I guess a lot of people read it and thought it was interesting. Kurt even told me that people at school were talking about it. If you were on the band cruise last year (May 2008), you might not understand it but apparently I write well or something.... Here is the note I made. :)



I don't want people thinking that I'm hung up over this. It wasn't that big of a deal, or at least I never thought so. Weirdly though I will still get people asking me, "Why did you do it".

For those who don't know, during the Band Cruise to Canada last year I did not attend the Senior Banquet for my own reasons, and apparently some people thought that I had fallen over the side of the boat into the ocean. That then caused a 15 minute search party that if was not successful in finding me would legally cause the cruise ship to actually turn around and look for me in the water. Luckily I was "located" around minute ten. This created a huge hullabaloo with the entire staff of our band, which in turn led me to have everyone and their grandmother think I was scum who couldn't be trusted. It was ridiculous and I was forced to stay with my chaperon Mrs. Naylor for the rest of the cruise (2 days worth I think). Mr. Moorfield tried to single me out and make an example of me whenever he could, and laughed at my face when I asked kindly if I could be relieved of having to fallow around a chaperon since even Mrs. Naylor agreed that I was a good kid who did not need someone looming over my head.

Anyways, I never really told my story of what actually happened. I would usually brush people off when they asked me why I never stayed at "my senior banquet". According to most people apparently, opportunities to be acknowledged for being in band for 4 years and sit in front of everyone for a fancy fancy dinner, is a really really big deal. I, however, did not give a shit whatsoever. In having those feelings, I would tell people that I just didn't care about the dinner so I didn't show up. That's not the 100% true story. Of course it's part of the true story, but I would guesstimate about 35% of the story.

I plan to just write what happened so I am no longer known infamously as some screw up from band. Then you bandies who were there who read this won't assume anything about me anymore. It would probably be even cooler if someone printed this out and then posted it in front of the band room at Foothill. I'm staying up late on this night (gotta wake up in 5 hours to help set up a Ultimate Frisbee tournament at Stanford)) not only because I want people to know that what I did wasn't as crazy as some people must think, but also because my sister Emily last year in middle school was confronted by a sibling of a band student on the trip who said, "Your brother is an idiot". That pisses me off, and I don't want people thinking that Emily is a trouble maker like me, when she isn't. It wouldn't be fair for people to have those preconceptions of her when she is just a freshmen in pit.

Here is the story as much as I remember it. I don't think what happened should have been as big of a deal as it was made into. I also don't regret what I did at all. It was completely worth it, and I would even do it again even if it meant having to go through the hell of dealing with all the retarded chaperons again.

Forty-Five minutes or so before the Senior Banquet was supposed to happen, Max Mensigner and I were hanging out. We had promised each other before the trip happened that once we were on the ship, we just HAD to run the entire perimeter of the ship. I'm pretty sure it was the one thing that I had true excitement and anticipation for. Well we did it. And it fucking rocked. I'm telling you right now that I metaphorically phelt (sp) like I was on top of the world. Max and I ran with our hands in the air slobbering like we were zombies will be something I will always remember because I felt like nothing could hurt me or get in my way. I was laughing hysterically along with Max over our sillyness. Hopefully he will never loose his sillyness because it makes him shine like gold. After finishing our run at the back of the boat while sweating, we realized neither of us had watches and that it was probably time to go back to our rooms and change into our suits for the senior banquet. Thinking back on it, I realize that going from being a complete carefree child to a conforming-suit wearing-banquet attending adult was probably just an accident waiting to happen.

When I got to the room, I believe that my roommate Kirk Naylor had already changed and gone down to the room on the boat where we were supposed to be at. I still had no clue what time it was and when I was actually supposed to be down stairs. Whatever, it took me probably 2 minutes to put on my suit since it was the third time I was to wear it in the past two days. After I dress fancy, I look at myself in the mirror wearing a suit, and let me tell you, I look damn smashing. After trying on my pink FHS ultimate hat to see if that looked good enough to go downstairs in didn't work out, I rushed downstairs to the banquet room. (Sidenote: the pink hat did looking amazing with a black suit, I just didn't think I had the balls to pull it off). Luckily I was there with time to spare. Everyone was mingling while wearing fancy dresses or clean suits. No one had really taken seats so I realized I had alot of time before it actually started. As I looked around I realized this was not the place I wanted to be. People where taking pictures of each other all dressed up or talking about something that seemed insignificant, that I really didn't give a shit about because I had just felt on top of the world 10 minutes earlier. I'm sure that I would of had fun talking with my friends like Dan, Kirk, Greg, Max, Tony, or Jose, but I just didn't feeling like talking. Usually when I don't want to be somewhere and I don't feel like talking to anyone there, I know one friend who usually will feel the same about the environment. So I met up with Kurt Pretzel and asked him if he wanted to go outside. We went right out the first door leading outside and then sat directly on the lounge chairs next to the door.

It was pretty sweet. We were both dressed in long sleeves and pants (from the suits) so the wind didn't bother us, and watching the waves was something we just hadn't done yet on the trip for one reason or another. So we sat there admiring the silence and serenity that would have been hard to find inside. After awhile we went back inside and I went to the front toward the senior table where most of my other friends were. People were settling down and obviously most of the seniors were having a good time playing around with each other and excited for the speeches that they were about to give or receive. Now, I've been to three other senior banquets in my years of band, and I have never ever wanted to give or receive a speech. It was partially a fear of fear of speaking into a microphone combined with the fear of standing up doing nothing in front of 200 people, while someone else talked. For the most part, I ended up not caring about it, so obviously I thought the entire banquet would be something I just wouldn't care about. No biggy. Anyways, another thing that I didn't care for was wearing a senior flower. I didn't wear it at the last field show. I've never liked the idea of being praised for being a senior. It just never seemed like an accomplishment to me. Anyone could do it, you just wait your turn... zero specialness. I also disagree with the idea of singling some out in band. I just feel like the ideal of uniformity was ingrained so much into my head from 4 years of marching, that something like recognizing one student over another for being in band longer was hypocritical. I ended up giving my flower to Marci Gross during the last field show because I thought she looked nice in it.

Back to my story, Mrs. Whitbread came up to me and told me that I had to see Mr. Moorfield for him to pin another senior flower to my lapel (suit chest thing). The last thing I wanted was to have one of my top ten despised men pin one of my top ten despised symbols on my body. So I politely said to Mrs. Whitbread, "No thanks I don't want one". I'm pretty sure I was polite about it, because then she politely told me that I needed to have one. I hold nothing against Mrs. Whitbread, I think she's a legit woman and a very laid back chaperon, and I respect her for simply following her orders to get all the seniors to wear their flowers. No hard feelings, I just didn't want to wear a fucking flower. So I walked away when she turned to get Moorf. I met up with Tony Maciel and asked if he wanted to go outside for a bit and watch the waves. I was addicted to the peaceful atmosphere. I needed it. So we went outside and sat on the very fine lounge chairs and of course, only talked about "choice" things. After awhile we decided to go back inside. AHHHH they had started the senior banquet without us. No big deal, we walked in from the back while everyone was paying attention to the seniors giving senior awards. Tony sat at the ho-bag table I think with Jose and Spencer, and since I didn't want to sit at that table, I sat at a back table with Trumpet Frank and his girlfriend.

Here was went through my head: Sitting in the back of the room while everyone was laughing and having a good time listening to the Dan, Kirk, and Greg speaking in the microphone and being on the televisions. I didn't want to walk all the way though everyone to sit at the front table where the seniors were supposed to be because then everyone would stop and look at me. Someone would probably say something stupid on the microphone. Moorf would probably laugh at me and say some stupid joke that would piss the fuck out of me. Everyone would know I was late. Also I wouldn't be wearing a senior flower like everyone else at the senior table in the front. I would do all of that with a stone face because I'm not going to have an outburst in front of 200 people plus parents all dressed up. Luckily for me, I didn't give a shit about the banquet, so I got up and walked out the back door when nobody noticed. I did wave goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Baker on the way out, even though neither of them recall that happening.

Well what did I do. I figured I would go to my room to take a nap and listen to music. I figured I had alot of time on my hands, but I wasn't sure how long. I assumed they were going to eat dinner there and then come back to the room. That way Kirk would get me and everything would be fine and dandy. Funny part about that trip is that I never knew what was gonna happen after everything we did. I never had an itinerary, and even if I did, I didn't have a watch to know what time it was.

I laid on my bed in my suit while listening to my ipod. It was uncomfortable being in a suit on the bed, so I changed into (and I remember clearly because it's still the most comfortable thing I own) double socks, athletic tights, stafford boxer briefs, jeans, 2005 fiesta bowl white t-shirt, and Vans sweatshirt. Now that was waaaay too comfortable.

Something that most people know is that I had ended a 18 month long relationship with my girlfriend Katie Yost just 4 or 5 days before, and while I was laying on the bed, I began thinking about my life. I never felt any remorse for the breakup, I was just thinking about the choices I made in my life. This was the part of my life that I felt like I needed to spread my wings and explore things that would lead me to discover what kind of person I was. I mean, I was going to graduate high school, and I wanted to experience everything. Katie on the other hand was very anchored to the ground and very rarely approved of my choices or desires of which direction I wanted my life to be in before I went to college. One of them was my decision to go to a Ultimate Frisbee Tournament at UC Santa Cruz instead of going to the senior prom. Things like that would infuriate Katie, and it just sucks because after 18 months, Katie would think I was retarded for things that I liked and didn't like. It's actually really surprising that she didn't break up with me first. Cool girl and all, she just wasn't what I could have my last couple of months before college. I also got the impression that she would tell all her family and friends the things that I did in a way that would make them agree with her, so whenever I was around her family and friends, I was immediately the "bad guy" to be looked down upon. So as I laid in bed listening to my ipod and thinking about how inevitably easy it was to make a person sound evil, I started to cry. I wasn't balling, just tears here and there. I had gone from a unanimously popular/easy going/hip/chill guy (freshmen, sophomore, junior years) to someone to sneer at all because I wanted to live my life a certain nonconformist way. Then I began thinking about my Frisbee friends. I enjoyed playing Frisbee so much. I enjoy the people. I think the ethics of the game are perfect, where fouls are called by players, and there is such as thing as a spirit foul. Everyone is friendly at tournament. A good game is based on how even the score is and points are scored back and forth, not on how much you can crush the other team. And I decided that these are the people I want to surround myself with the next four years of college and later on in life. I was sick and tired of band where 90% of the chaperons were D-Bags and the teachers laughed at your face. Then I began thinking about Ami and how much I wished she could have been with me at the moment. Now this was before Ami and I were in a relationship, but I just remember thinking that this girl was everything I wanted to have in my life. She was the amazing women who believed in music, Frisbee, and life. She was a girl who could make me feel smart and funny, and we basically had the same exact wit when it came to life. So I wished that she was there with me. Thats about the time I stopped crying.

Then I had the best idea! I would go up to the top floor of the boat, which was open air, and lay on a lounge chair while soaking up some sun, listening to my ipod, and basking in peaceful serenity that was greatly needed. It was a perfect idea. There were twenty or so-odd lounge chairs that were all open, and I took one and faced it towards the ocean and sat down. It was perfect weather and my body had the perfect temperature. The sun slanted down upon the ocean in a way that I could see a distinct line where reflections from the sun stopped and pure blue ocean began. I listened to Coldplay, Cat Powe (check out the song "Sea of Love")r, Regina Spektor, and Death cab for Cutie (Album: Transatlanticism) . The slow rocking of the cruise ship made me slowly drift asleep. Breathing the fresh ocean air with not a single worry in the world made me feel on top again. It was definitely a special day.

I fell asleep feeling unaware of any other trials that were about to be partaken upon me. When I did wake up though, my lounge chair was the only one not put away yet on the top deck. I guess they take them down at night. Obviously someone had to work around me to do their job. It was very nice of the crew to not wake me up. Not sure exactly how long I was asleep for, but it was probably only 15 minutes or so.

I figure it's time to take a piss and then walk down to find a band mate walking around the ship and ask him where I was supposed to be. For some reason I went to the main lobby and up to the front desk. After standing there at least 20 seconds looking for a friend of mine, a small bald Indian man came up to me and asked if I was Ben Hubbard from room C414 (I find it odd that I remember the room number, but its understandable because it freaked me out so much). I said yes and then stood there while he ran off to find someone. He came back with the main cruise guy who was in charge of the Foothill band. Now I was in alot of shock and didn't really know what was going on, and didn't know why everyone was out of breath. The main cruise guy made me walk with him and he told me that the Foothill Band people reported a missing person to the front desk. Apparently that's a big fucking deal on a boat when only 4 days ago there was a CIA investigation on another cruise in the Caribbean about someone who fell overboard. So standard procedure when a missing person is to give an allotted 15 minutes to find that person, and if that doesn't work, then turn the ship around and start looking in the water. Foothill wasn't aware that was going to happen, and I'm sure they must have flipped when they heard what they had to do. They should not have been that worried though because I guess the Princess Cruise Ship would have billed me instead of Foothill for turning the ship around.

After all Foothill staff had learned that I was found, they all drifted back toward the dinning area to watch Mr. Moorfield yell at me. I don't remember this happening, but my mom told me that someone told her that Moorf was like, "Ben are you ok?" which I replied yes to, in which he replied, "Ok now I'm going to kill you". Lol I guess it's funny and I didn't really know what was going on so I wasn't freaking out at all. Inside my head, I was just following the people who told me to follow them. Mrs. Moorfield did sit down with me and try and tell me how to act when I walked into the dinning area. She said that I scared the fucking bejesuzss out of alot of people (ok didn't ask for that so fuck em'). She also said that I should not smile for the rest of the night because it would piss off people (those who know me well know that I reflexively smile when I think situations are ridiculous).

One large thing I remember is when she looked at me and said, "You know, he's never home". This was going to get emotional, "You know, he pours his heart out to you guys, he loves you guys". There was Mrs. Moorfield talking to me one on one about how she allowed her husband to stay out late and go away on weekends even during retirement because she believed that he was truly helping us. I believed her and I slightly was able to view into a side of Mr. Moorfield that make me a true contributor to society. Either way I don't like how to laughs at people to their face.

Mrs. Moorfield also told me that she hates Senior Banquets. She said someone always gets hurt, and it just isn't worth it. She said that she understands if that was my reason for not wanting to be there. It wasn't the reason, but I was definitely getting some sympathy from a high up source.

Everyone kept saying that they thought my leaving was because I had broken up with Katie, I guess they couldn't fathom me not caring about such a nice banquet. I got a few chaperons that said I practically spat on their hard work putting that banquet together. Fuck em' because I never asked for the banquet anyways

My punishment was to be with my chaperon Mrs. Naylor the rest of the cruise. It's wierd because Kirk Naylor is a cool ass mofo, but his mom is the lamest lady of the land. She would literally do hall checks where she wanted to walk up and down the halls to check and make sure no kids were horsing around in the halls. Did she seriously fucking think that kids would be screwing around in the small halls... of a fucking cruise ship. It was ridiculous what she felt she had to do as a chaperon. I did end up convincing her to do things I wanted to do though like sitting near my friend during concerts or going to the comedy lounge during that one night. But I swear to god that she thought her duty as my chaperon was to be with me for every second, which was stupid because she wasn't with her husband or daughter whom were also on the cruise for a large part of the time she was with me. She was waaaay too shy to tell the Foothill Band Staff that I probably could use a longer lease, so she just stuck with what she thought were her duties. I ended up getting really pissy at her the last day of the cruise, and hardly making eye contact with her when we did things. Whatever.

The most hypocritical part of my punishment was when Brad Sorria went missing. The day or so after I had been "missing", Brad decided not to show up to either breakfast or a morning concert. They checked his room and he wasn't there. All the chaperons (including me) huddled together to decide what to do. Even though I was there, Mrs. Rossman said, "Ok we can't tell the ship that we have a missing person because then they only give us 15 minutes before they turn the ship around". Whoa Whoa Whoa! Hold Up! All of a sudden a person like BRAD goes missing, and they are going to make it less of a deal than when I went missing! Image if Brad had actually fallen over the edge of the ship. I knew this probably wasn't the case becasue I had seen Brad make friends with some older people who weren't in the band. I figured he was in a room or somewhere with the older people getting drunk or smoking weed, but I didn't say anything because I knew he wasn't in any harm. But it was all of a sudden the chaperons jobs to split up, not tell the ship staff, and look for Brad. God forbid he actually did fall over the edge, but no matter the case, I still had to search with Mrs. Naylor and Mrs. Masri (Jean-Luc's mom) for about 45 minutes in the most random locations. I kid you not, there was a time when we were walking down a room hall and Mrs. Naylor stopped to look into a laundry room, and then went further to open the cabinets in HOPES THAT BRAD THAT HIDING IN THERE. Are you fucking serious???? They seriously thought Brad would be hiding in a cubbard away from band chaperons. We looked everywhere for some reason, but never found him. He did turn up somewhere, and I think he was just in another persons room.

So I think the reason what I did was made into such a big deal was because they were given a time limit from the Ship. They didn't know that was the standard procedure of the ship, and if they never told the ship, I would have been done at dinner like nothing happened. They obviously didn't tell the entire staff because I was wide out in the open laying on the lounge chair on the top deck. Somebody had to even work around me to set away the lounge chairs. I also assume that they searched for me in hallways instead of places a person would be (i.e. top deck). Also, those of my friends who went up to me and told me that they knew I was probably on the top deck listening to my Ipod, you can blame Mrs. Moorfield for not letting you search for me. She said to me that she told the staff not to let the kids look for me because she didn't want everyone being hectic.

This was made into too much of a big deal. One that I never asked for. I didn't like the Senior Banquet so I left it. No reasons like girlfriend problems or emotional issues, just pure apathy for the ceremony itself. It's a good thing high school is over because that place was starting to get on my nerves.

In conclusion, I don't think that watching the waves on any other time would have meant as much to me. There was something in the fact that I was my decision to stop and smell the roses. Something in the fact that I was happy and more than satisfied with the choices I was making for myself. This is the part of your life where you need to spread your wings and fly. It's never to late to try to surround yourself with the atmosphere, environment, and people you want to be surrounded with. Even choices to not surround yourself in certain situations have value. Taking charge of your life and not being a pushover is extremely important. Become an active participant in your life, and keep fighting the good fight.