Lots of things have been bringing me down lately. Most of the occurrences that happen are pretty small, but I've been getting a lot of them, and I'm not used to being down. Thanks for Mr. Schneider's wall junior year, I remembered a quote from Dave Mathews:
"To change the world
Start with one step
However Small
The first step is hardest of all"
So my first step to fixing the problems in my life is to write down the thoughts from my head and figure out what I need to do in order to change. By writing down the things that have brought me down in the past couple of days, I want to look for connections between them and come up with solutions that will help all of them.
Don't laugh at me, or tell me that my problems don't mean anything, because they mean something to me and they are affecting me. Of course I'm happy to be alive and all that other shit, I just want to fix my problems and make myself happier.
Here is a list of things that I can think off the top of my head that have brought me down.
- Going to the DC (Dining Commons) alone
- Losing all my money on Facebook Poker
- Afraid of asking people for their phone number
- Giving myself enough time to study for Chemistry or Statistics
- Not giving myself enough time to arrive to my lecture halls
- Not wanting to do my laundry
- Not wanting to lift weights after I run in the ARC
- Spending too much time in the bathroom for showers
- Cluttered desk
- Worried about maybe not getting the things I need for my Halloween costume
- Being sucky at defense during Frisbee practice
- I know I'm going to Chico CHUG, but I still might not make the A team
- Not taking good care of my immune system
- Being written up for taking the screen off our window
What I need to do is focus on one thing at a time and figure out how to get out of that rut, instead of trying to fix everything at once.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Running Thoughts
Sometimes I exercise when I get frustrated. It lets me put my emotions into something that is productive and healthy. Certain people vacuum, I exercise. Right now I feel like putting on shoes and running alot... like a fucking shitload. Then a thought came into my head, "What did I have for dinner". That thought made me realize that I felt like running until I threw up. As I recall, I had a hamburger, salad, focaccia bread, 2 glasses of fruit juice, a cup of cappuccino, and some fruit. It would be ok if I ran until I threw up. I feel fine about pushing my body now.
Jesus Shirts
It's fucking rediculous. I own two shirts that I bought from a Christian Supply store and people keep fucking complimenting me on it. I'm disgusted by these real Christians.
Katie is Dropping Band
Katie Yost said she was thinking about dropping band. I think that once you get that idea in your head, there must be a reason that makes you think that after 3 years. This is what I told her, and I think it's a good read for anyone worried about what colleges think about them during the application process.
"wowowowowow. Ok so Moorf only writes recommendations if you are doing marching band in college... which you wont. And you probably wouldn't do that anyways. Secondly, if your not enjoying band, there is no reason to stick it out because it will not help you in the long run. Senior year really pissed me off (but you already know that katie). Also, ... Read Morethere is no formula that colleges use when they accept people that will make the difference between 3 years of band and 4 years. Like, if there was a point system going on: AP classes would give you 20 points and a year of band would give you 1. They care about leadership abilities that mostly come from band, but you've already taken 3 years. And you've got lifegaurd experience. Seriously drop band if you want, and then take your extra time and money to explore who you are and discover things that you've never done before. 3 years if enough. Btw apply for colleges in unimpacted majors. You'll get in. BTW APPLY TO DAVIS
Understand the application process first before you make assumptions about what it takes to get into college. For CSU's, All you write down are your grades for classes that fulfill credits to graduate high school. Just make sure you check the box yes for that one question asking if you were ever in a leadership position. For UC's, you write down ... Read Moreyour grades (remember that they only register one year of band for your GPA) so it obviously is significantly less important doing band compared to a legitimate course. After you give your GPA, there is a spot where you write down 5 achievements or certificates. Remember that people who aren't in band, also get into college. I know you Katie, and you've got many things under your belt that will show how much character you have. Then their are two essays.
Don't write about band. Don't write about band. Don't write about band.
All the UC's get probably 8,000 essays from kids explaining how being apart of the flute section gave them such leadership and how much they learned with the discipline they achieved during marching band. Application readers can see through that bullshit, and they know that probably only 4% of those essays are true. Either way, you want to write about something that MAKES YOU UNIQUE. That is the most important part of the college application process. If you ... Read Morewant to drop band, and instead do something that will give you purpose and expose you to new ideas and new lights.... thats exactly what colleges should look for and praise. Make sure you're UNIQUE in your essays and if colleges realize how much diversity and experience you can bring to their campus, you'll be admitted."
"wowowowowow. Ok so Moorf only writes recommendations if you are doing marching band in college... which you wont. And you probably wouldn't do that anyways. Secondly, if your not enjoying band, there is no reason to stick it out because it will not help you in the long run. Senior year really pissed me off (but you already know that katie). Also, ... Read Morethere is no formula that colleges use when they accept people that will make the difference between 3 years of band and 4 years. Like, if there was a point system going on: AP classes would give you 20 points and a year of band would give you 1. They care about leadership abilities that mostly come from band, but you've already taken 3 years. And you've got lifegaurd experience. Seriously drop band if you want, and then take your extra time and money to explore who you are and discover things that you've never done before. 3 years if enough. Btw apply for colleges in unimpacted majors. You'll get in. BTW APPLY TO DAVIS
Understand the application process first before you make assumptions about what it takes to get into college. For CSU's, All you write down are your grades for classes that fulfill credits to graduate high school. Just make sure you check the box yes for that one question asking if you were ever in a leadership position. For UC's, you write down ... Read Moreyour grades (remember that they only register one year of band for your GPA) so it obviously is significantly less important doing band compared to a legitimate course. After you give your GPA, there is a spot where you write down 5 achievements or certificates. Remember that people who aren't in band, also get into college. I know you Katie, and you've got many things under your belt that will show how much character you have. Then their are two essays.
Don't write about band. Don't write about band. Don't write about band.
All the UC's get probably 8,000 essays from kids explaining how being apart of the flute section gave them such leadership and how much they learned with the discipline they achieved during marching band. Application readers can see through that bullshit, and they know that probably only 4% of those essays are true. Either way, you want to write about something that MAKES YOU UNIQUE. That is the most important part of the college application process. If you ... Read Morewant to drop band, and instead do something that will give you purpose and expose you to new ideas and new lights.... thats exactly what colleges should look for and praise. Make sure you're UNIQUE in your essays and if colleges realize how much diversity and experience you can bring to their campus, you'll be admitted."
To Ami
Alright Ami, so I've got three questions for you.
1) Is there any one specific thing you want me to talk to you about?
2) When do you want me to talk to you about it?
3) What should we cook the next time I come to your house?
Get back to me about that :)
1) Is there any one specific thing you want me to talk to you about?
2) When do you want me to talk to you about it?
3) What should we cook the next time I come to your house?
Get back to me about that :)
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Late Night Music
Sitting here with Liam at 1 in the morning. We got back from hanging out at the Crew house with all crew people... and me. That's ok though because it was a really chill house. I also feel like I'm getting really close with Julian, Haley, and Bianca which I think is great. Right now we are just sitting here, smelling incenses, and listening to music. Not talking or anything which is fine. He is on facebook talking with people while I sit and think post-post-modernisticly about my life.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I don't completely disregard my upcoming responsibilities in the future, but I do believe I'm living around 98% in the moment. Independence is not an excuse, it is a building block. I like where I am in my life, and I think I'm doing what is best for me.
The amazing part of living in a collective student body that cares about higher knowledge as much as you do is... well that's the amazing part. We are all fully functional capable human beings put together along with the highest outlets for learning given throughout the world. Everyone here is basically a well rounded person (they had to be to be accepted), and the combination of everyone working towards creating the world a better, faster, or more efficient place with the tools to do it at our fingertips makes for an excellent blend.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I don't completely disregard my upcoming responsibilities in the future, but I do believe I'm living around 98% in the moment. Independence is not an excuse, it is a building block. I like where I am in my life, and I think I'm doing what is best for me.
The amazing part of living in a collective student body that cares about higher knowledge as much as you do is... well that's the amazing part. We are all fully functional capable human beings put together along with the highest outlets for learning given throughout the world. Everyone here is basically a well rounded person (they had to be to be accepted), and the combination of everyone working towards creating the world a better, faster, or more efficient place with the tools to do it at our fingertips makes for an excellent blend.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Frisbee With Sean
I was still writing/editing a super long email to my Career Discovery: Food Science/Nutrition teacher when Sean came into my room and asked me if I wanted to throw a Frisbee around with him. My response was, "I still have to edit my email to my teacher, and I have class in 20 minutes, and it's raining outside: Yes let's throw". Oh man I love Frisbee.
I have been bruising a lot from ultimate practices though. I've got a huge bruise on my upper palm (makes me look like that creature from Pan's Labyrinth with eyes on his hands), and a bruise mysteriously on my inner wrist. Then my blister (from a frisbee) is finally starting to heal back to the color of my skin on my pinkie. I think the bruising though is from not getting enough iron in my diet. I only eat twice a day at the DC and when I do I average around 6 plates to fill up my stomach for 12 hours at a time. I think I need to start eating more salads or something like that to stop brusing.
Well tonight I plan on going bowling with Liam, then play raquetball with Liam, Jake, and Victor. That will be fun. I also plan on doing all of this weeks homework tonight because I havn't even started any homework yet. My dad is coming up to visit tomarrow and he is bringing my real bike. Yay!
I have been bruising a lot from ultimate practices though. I've got a huge bruise on my upper palm (makes me look like that creature from Pan's Labyrinth with eyes on his hands), and a bruise mysteriously on my inner wrist. Then my blister (from a frisbee) is finally starting to heal back to the color of my skin on my pinkie. I think the bruising though is from not getting enough iron in my diet. I only eat twice a day at the DC and when I do I average around 6 plates to fill up my stomach for 12 hours at a time. I think I need to start eating more salads or something like that to stop brusing.
Well tonight I plan on going bowling with Liam, then play raquetball with Liam, Jake, and Victor. That will be fun. I also plan on doing all of this weeks homework tonight because I havn't even started any homework yet. My dad is coming up to visit tomarrow and he is bringing my real bike. Yay!
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